Tuesday, April 30, 2013

New Beginnings

I don't think I've blogged in about two years.  I have no idea if my blog will show up on people's feeds or not.  It's not really my main concern.  My mom thinks I need to journal the life events happening and I think I have horrible handwriting, so back to the blogging world I go. 

Now, where am I currently?  It's the last day in April and I just told the last of my co-workers that I am officially expecting.  It's a few weeks too early - as I'm only in my 9th week - but I really feel dishonest when I keep secrets and it makes me feel bad.  The ladies in the office have known for a while - for fun and support.  They are wonderful.

I had my 8 week appointment last week and I was so lucky that my LOVE was able to join me.  He wasn't supposed to be in town, but through a series of unfortunate events, he was able to go to meet the doctor with me.  I'm really happy he went.  I wanted him to be at the ultrasound with me and it was nice to have him there to answer family history questions with the doctor.  Just in case I forget in the future, the heartbeat was 162.  They estimated I was 7w5d, I say 8w2d.  They can measure all they want... I know the day this baby happened.

My due date by my calculations (and clearly I think I'm smarter than the doctors) is 12/1.  Their due date is 12/5.

Jacob is very excited about the future Johnston baby and I am warming up to the idea.  I think I'll feel a bit better 6 weeks from now when we're married and he's permanently living in St. Louis with me. 

I thought my excitement would grow more after the 8 week ultrasound, but I'm still a little scared to get attached to the idea.    I know so many people that have had miscarriages and although I'm pretty sure we're down to a 3-5% chance, I still think of it often.  I've had no miscarriage symptoms at all- not a spot to speak of, nothing that would give me any hint that this pregnancy isn't going perfectly according to God's plan.  I have the traditional pregnancy symptoms and everything was fine at the check up.  Yet I still feel very cautious.

As for those traditional symptoms, here is the official list:

  • Morning sickness.  Actually all day sickness.  9a-10p normally with pockets of "ehhh".  The last two weeks it was just nausea. This week, I'm getting a little more physical with the sickness.  I have Zofran from the doctor - but I'm trying not to take it every day since I only have 30 until my next appointment.  It seems to work better when I take it at the first hint of sickness instead of waiting for it to get really bad and then trying to reverse the effects.  Maybe it's more preventative and proactive than reactive? 
  • Cramping.  Not anything severe.  More like super mild period cramps.  I've looked this up 100 times and every site says it's very normal and it's my uterus growing or getting ready or some junk like that.  It's super annoying though.  It's like you think- "Well, I'm pregnant - but at least for 9 months I won't have to deal with PMS stuff." WRONG.  I have mild cramps and my hormones can jump into action without warning.  I don't think they're too out of wack (though I guess for a proper opinion you should ask Jacob) but I do notice being overly sad or angry on occasion.
  • I'm so pale.  It makes me sooooo sad.  I normally spray tan once a week.  I haven't sprayed in 5 weeks.  It doesn't help that I'm naturally see-thru and I have giant veins now.  At least the town home complex we live in has a pool.  As hideous as I'm sure it will be, I'm totally going to hang out there this summer and attempt to get some color.
  • My boobs HURT.  And they're too big.  Did I mention they've always been too big?  So I have to go to expensive bra stores.  I just spent $70 a piece for 3 lovely bras.  Now they don't fit.  They look like Victoria's Secret push up bras now instead of conservative/pretty bras.  I don't really know what to do at this point because I need to buy a few new bras, but I'm not going to buy new bras every few months- because it's not like I can grab a $20 one at target.  So when you see me in my ill fitting bra, don't judge me.
  • I'm super super in love with Jacob currently.  Though I do make snide comments about what he's done to me (pregnancy), I am very very excited about the fact that he will always be in my life - forever, no matter what.  I love that he is excited.  I also strongly believe that God gives you a child when he feels you need it. I'm excited that God decided he'd like Jacob and I to do this together.  Although this was an accident on our parts, I'm positive we're a big part of a great plan of God's.

So I think that's all.  I read too much and worry too much.  I'm so happy that I live in a world where google is available to me at all times.  I'm going to attempt to write every few days because everyone tells me that I won't remember all this stuff later on.  Hopefully I'll stick with it through the next 6.75 months.